Attempts at Optimism.

I'm a pretty pessimistic person. That's putting it lightly.

However, shit happens to everyone at some point or another, and we all have to learn to deal with it and move on, no matter how difficult that may be.

I've had some particular incidents take place that have affected me negatively for years. It's been a daily struggle to "keep my head above the water" balancing life and the unfortunate sting of dwelling on the past. Quite frankly, the past isn't always that easy to let go of. If it was, I doubt there'd be nearly as many suicides taking place or addicts in this world. I've tested out both of those paths and come back from them without my problems being resolved whatsoever.

The new plan is one of distraction and accomplishment.

Is your life feeling meaningless? Hopeless? Devoid of joy and promise?

Well, maybe this plan is for you.

I've felt so caught up in the day-to-day, it seems like my life is flying past me and I'm just standing here in a blur, too overwhelmed to even process what's going on most of the time. A lot of really big life changes have taken place for me in the past few years, and I haven't even had the time to sit down and cope with that, let alone try to rearrange my plans for the future. It feels like I've just been some mindless drone, trying to get everything that's mandatory done before falling asleep again, then waking up and doing the same fifty things all over again.

Now I've decided to push myself.

Yes, I'm a mother, a student, and an employee. I barely have any time for myself, considering naptime for my toddler is "chore time" or "homework time" for me.... assuming she even takes a nap. It may cut into my sleep a bit, but I think the payoff will be worth it.

Each day and/or each night, I'm taking time to do something I enjoy. Whether it's reading and having some freshly brewed tea, or it's working my ass off on a craft or piece of artwork. I need the outlet. And when I'm done, the sense of accomplishment is so great, I feel like I've actually made some type of grand improvement in my life, even if it's just, "Oh, I finished this really cool jigsaw puzzle tonight! I'm going to frame it and hang it in my home!" or "That sketch I've been working on is finally finished! I'm really improving as an artist!" ....those little things actually end up meaning so much at the end of the day. I still accomplish every other task I need to throughout the day, but I'm also indulging in and keeping that little bit of "me" alive, that one distinct part of my being that's uniquely me... and not just who I am in reference to someone else, whether it be my child or my employer.

Making legitimate plans to start an art-related business within the next two years is even more encouragement to keep working hard, keep improving, and keep giving myself higher and higher goals to work towards. That's a really, really big one, but as a single parent, the extra income would be a blessing, and doing something I love would be even more of one.

The stress load is a long way from being completely relieved, but baby steps are what I'm taking to regain some sense of self, some identity, in this hectic life.

When it seems like everything is just endlessly repeating and pointless, give yourself something to work towards, even if it seems pretty far out of reach and maybe pretty damn difficult to achieve. You'll find some identity, some drive, and one hell of a sense of accomplishment once you reach the end of the road.