Attempts at Optimism.

I'm a pretty pessimistic person. That's putting it lightly.

However, shit happens to everyone at some point or another, and we all have to learn to deal with it and move on, no matter how difficult that may be.

I've had some particular incidents take place that have affected me negatively for years. It's been a daily struggle to "keep my head above the water" balancing life and the unfortunate sting of dwelling on the past. Quite frankly, the past isn't always that easy to let go of. If it was, I doubt there'd be nearly as many suicides taking place or addicts in this world. I've tested out both of those paths and come back from them without my problems being resolved whatsoever.

The new plan is one of distraction and accomplishment.

Is your life feeling meaningless? Hopeless? Devoid of joy and promise?

Well, maybe this plan is for you.

I've felt so caught up in the day-to-day, it seems like my life is flying past me and I'm just standing here in a blur, too overwhelmed to even process what's going on most of the time. A lot of really big life changes have taken place for me in the past few years, and I haven't even had the time to sit down and cope with that, let alone try to rearrange my plans for the future. It feels like I've just been some mindless drone, trying to get everything that's mandatory done before falling asleep again, then waking up and doing the same fifty things all over again.

Now I've decided to push myself.

Yes, I'm a mother, a student, and an employee. I barely have any time for myself, considering naptime for my toddler is "chore time" or "homework time" for me.... assuming she even takes a nap. It may cut into my sleep a bit, but I think the payoff will be worth it.

Each day and/or each night, I'm taking time to do something I enjoy. Whether it's reading and having some freshly brewed tea, or it's working my ass off on a craft or piece of artwork. I need the outlet. And when I'm done, the sense of accomplishment is so great, I feel like I've actually made some type of grand improvement in my life, even if it's just, "Oh, I finished this really cool jigsaw puzzle tonight! I'm going to frame it and hang it in my home!" or "That sketch I've been working on is finally finished! I'm really improving as an artist!" ....those little things actually end up meaning so much at the end of the day. I still accomplish every other task I need to throughout the day, but I'm also indulging in and keeping that little bit of "me" alive, that one distinct part of my being that's uniquely me... and not just who I am in reference to someone else, whether it be my child or my employer.

Making legitimate plans to start an art-related business within the next two years is even more encouragement to keep working hard, keep improving, and keep giving myself higher and higher goals to work towards. That's a really, really big one, but as a single parent, the extra income would be a blessing, and doing something I love would be even more of one.

The stress load is a long way from being completely relieved, but baby steps are what I'm taking to regain some sense of self, some identity, in this hectic life.

When it seems like everything is just endlessly repeating and pointless, give yourself something to work towards, even if it seems pretty far out of reach and maybe pretty damn difficult to achieve. You'll find some identity, some drive, and one hell of a sense of accomplishment once you reach the end of the road.

"Special Agent Oso.... WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOME?!!?!"

In spite of how much this show really is helpful at explaining simple tasks in "three special steps" to help kids learn how to do things on their own, I have got so many issues with this show, it's unreal.

My child isn't that old, so I'm a little late jumping on the Disney Junior wagon, and have missed quite a few episodes (which I am rapidly being caught up on, mind you), but there are some big details I still haven't caught whatsoever.

Issue #1: Oso has a training exercise he must complete each episode... and helping the kids in the episode brings him to this grand realization at the end about whatever super-obvious mistake he was making in his exercise. This is all fine and dandy, but what is Oso even training for? There's a 'James Bond' kinda theme throughout the agent-related parts of the show, but there's never a clear indication of what exactly this 'unique stuffed bear' is preparing himself for. This is not a big deal, but it just slightly scratches the surface of why I'm a bit annoyed.

Issue #2: This bear.... is allowed to drive a badass little car, be in fucking rocketships, handle all this super-cool spy equipment that's totes srs..... and he cannot even brush his teeth properly. 

(Oso, gtfo of the car. You cannot drive.)

(I think that's the episode that finally just sent me over the edge.)

(Gtfo of space, bear!)

WHY IS HE ALLOWED TO HANDLE ALL OF THIS EQUIPMENT AND DRIVE AND TRAVEL AROUND WITH A JETPACK ON WHEN HE CAN'T EVEN BRUSH HIS TEETH OR RAKE A FREAKING PILE OF LEAVES?

I cannot deal with this.

Issue #3: Every time a child needs his help, he just walks/jetpacks/falls/whatever right into the home. He just comes right in!

(Good job, Grampa. Good job.)

Parents, WHY IS THIS LITTLE BEAR ALLOWED TO JUST WALTZ RIGHT INTO YOUR HOME WITH YOUR UNSUPERVISED CHILD? What if he decides that he doesn't want to help little Billy today, that he wants to do illegal and unspeakable things to him and then devour the remains of the carcass of your child? I bet drying that one dish for fifteen minutes straight might seem a little bit less important then, wouldn't it.

Issue #4: Shutterbug. 

Is shutterbug watching all the children, all the time? Do I really even need to elaborate on the implications of this? Which leads to the next concern......

Issue #5: So Mr. Dos is an unidentified, older-sounding gentleman that constantly watches children and sends stuffed animal 'agents' into their homes when their parents are being negligent as hell. Okay....... I'm just going to leave you with that one. Ponder on it, if you will.

Issue #6: Palm Pilot needs to lay off the happy pills. Seriously.

(She needs to CALM THE FUCK DOWN.)

Issue #7: And... really.

Oso, you aren't even panda colors. Go home.